New Ventures

The past couple of weeks have been odd.
I've been extremely introspective and creative.
Generally these characteristics don't manifest in my personality at the same time. I don't know why they don't or have theories as to why they are at this time. The result of all this culminating in my life at this time is that I have started writing prolifically.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to write a book.
The question I had to answer first off was what would the book be about.
I had some ideas, but the two competing ideas as of late have been a book about my coming of age which included abuse, healing, continuing struggles from time to time, and maybe a bit about ministry. The other topic is solely about ministry particularly in a small Southern town. Both OK options. I had thoughts that I would one day perhaps give some serious thought to one or the other and then many years from now at some undetermined time I would get started.

Stranger than all get-out is that I have begin both!!! One Sunday afternoon I simply began writing. I wrote and wrote. The words were flowing, baby! The even stranger thing is that I have continued writing. I am having trouble not writing particularly when I am home. I first began the book about my coming of age. I don't have a title yet, so it is a bit awkward to describe, but the writing is so invigorating and exciting. It is coming together and I like what I see happening. The process is emotionally draining at the same time. I am thinking and reflecting on some difficult times in my life and it is taking its toll in some ways.

I fell almost called to write this book for the mere fact that it might lend a bit of hope for someone else who is struggling with abuse in their life. All is not perfect in my life, but I have made great strides in healing from some pretty severe trauma and people need to know it can be done. Repeatedly I have been told through the years that I should not have survived what I have experienced. I'm not sure whether that means I should be dead or mentally incapacitated. Truth is I've always been hesitant to know the answer so I never asked the question. While being told I am remarkable in that I survived was encouraging it also seemed to indicate that I should be happy with my status of healing at that time. I shouldn't expect too much in other words.

It never occurred to me that healing wasn't an option. I'm doing OK. I have fewer problems coping than many people I encounter on almost a daily basis. I would love to reach a place in life emotionally that abuse and its scars are totally eradicated from my life; but that is irrational. Everything we experience has its effects upon our lives. I am who I am as a result of my experiences: good and bad. So, I want to get information out there that healing and life is possible following trauma and abuse, even severe abuse. I sought such resources and they aren't available. This is my hope - to provide for others what I desired and couldn't find. I'm excited that I am actually taking steps to accomplish a long time dream/desire. My prayer is to balance my writing and the challenge it is emotionally in this case with life today and my ministry. I don't want writing and the past to color the present too darkly.

More later . . .