Scared

My adopted dad was diagnosed with lymphoma last week.

I knew something was very wrong when the caller ID on my cell phone indicated that my dad was calling. First of all, mom usually makes the calls. Secondly, he is an attorney, it was 9:30 am, and he was calling from work. Billable hours and all, you know?!

My instinct was to answer the phone by saying "what's wrong."
I'm so glad I didn't because something was wrong wtih my dad.
I was really expecting him to tell me something about his mother who is 88 years old. Perhaps she had fallen. Perhaps she was in the hospital. Perhaps she had died. It is amazing how many thoughts can go through your head in a split second.

None of my thoughts turned out to be the issue.
Seems my dad's sister was visiting the week before and noticed a bump on my dad's eyelid. He nor mom had noticed it. It apparently didn't hurt, wasn't red, wasn't itchy or scratchy. It was just there. He made an appointment with an opthalmologist who excised the bump. He said he didn't know what the thing was and sent it for pathological study.

The path report indicated the lump was lymphoma.
The opthalmologist wasn't particularly helpful to my dad.
The doc told him to take a copy of the path report to his primary doctor.
Dad asked if he shouldn't see an oncologist. The doc said "yes, you probably should."
"Well", dad responded, "who would you recommend?"
The doc simply made a copy of all the oncologists in town. So helpful he was!

Thankfully, dad was able to get in with an oncologist in only a few days thanks to a friend knowing a friend of a friend . . . you know how those things work.
The waiting continues.
Bloodwork yesterday.
CT scan Thursday.
Oncologist Wednesday of next week.

We should know a bit more following the interpretation of these tests.
Dad is happy things are moving along.
He is perky and positive, sounds great on the phone.
I need to see them. I am hoping on a plane after church Sunday and going home.
I want to look into mom and dad's eyes, hug their necks, and share love in person.
Mom said she would love to have me there to see and to hug.
That made me feel special.
I'm glad it will work out that I will be with them on the day of the oncologist appointment. God smiled on us with this scheduling.

I'm scared he has lymphoma throughout his body and the prognosis is grim.
It seems that this is probably not the case, but tell my heart that.
I am scared, selfishly, I am going to lose the first man I ever trusted . . .the man who has made up for the horror my biological dad inflicted upon me.
Fear of abandonment I suppose the psychologists would call it.
Yep, I'm afraid that this man who taught me to love and to accept love is going to leave me. I want things to stay the same. I want to know that he and my mom are always there just waiting to welcome me home and bestow me with hugs. That's the way we've always done it!!!