Today I preached about mothering. I usually avoid the entire subject because I didn't have the best role model or experience as a child of mothering. However, this year it seemed the thing to do. The entire sermon practically lept out of my head onto the paper so I know it was what God wanted dme to say, but I was surprised. I even had this nice reflective piecee about what I have learned from my mother (Betsy). I need to send her a copy of the sermon. I am awed that I can be in the midst of the emotional turmoil I have been experiencing and the health issues springing up and find my way toward thankfulness and objectivity. Perhaps I am growing in depth.
I'm struggling over a suggestion I had this week from one of my health care professionsals to take a month medical leave from my job. I really am haaving a difficult time w ith work due to my trouble slepping, constant steroid prescriptions which wig you out at times, and fatigue. The break sounds wonderful and I want to latch onto the idea. She even said the time would be a guided process. Sounds lovely. I want to do it, but I am afraid should I request time off it might give people ammunition to ask me to leave. I know I haven't been doing my best at this job as of late. Actually, I have been doing my best, my best is the bare minimum these days. People hae complained that I have not been visiting enough . . . truth be told I am not visiting at all unless someone is ill. I write sermons which are borderline decent and I try to show up at the office most days. I'm not too responsive to people and am very tired and overwhelmed at the thought of work. Yet, I think I am right where God has led me. I like the community. I like the people. I think they still like me. Several have stated that it is not time for me to leave. Yet, with my declining performance and enthusiasm I wonder if the Session will be tolerant of the request for a month off. They have been so patient with me to this point. I guess I wonder if I have pressed the health issue too far since being here. I'm scared to ask for what I need. That is the bottom line.
I want to take the doc's suggestion. I want to work wi th hwer to get myself in a better state of health. I want to go to Birmingham and find out more about my "Syndrome" and how best to deal with it on a daily basis. PErhaps they can talk to me about cop[ing and what to expect. I want to feel a bit more in control. Maybe such isn;'t evern possible.
I'm pondering and mulling over these thoughts.
RevDari
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2 comments:
Dear Dari,
Can your health professional outline why you need the time in a way that will help the Session understand? I would think they would appreciate having you rested and whole (or moreso), even if it means some time off now.
Bless you as you discern what to do about this.
Thanks for the comment. I know in my heart I need the time off. I am exhausted and really not too interested in working given the way I am feeling. However, I am unsure how to proceed in order to get what I need.
My Session has been so understanding and supportive in other ways. I hate to ask one more thing! I guess I am suppose to model good self-care for them though.
I spoke with my pastoral mentor this afternoon and she was no nonsense about it. She said to call a mtg of the personnel committee, tell them my doc's recommendation, give them the dates I will be out and that's that. Very straightforward. If explanation is necessary she told me to focus on the fact that I will not be able to pastor them if I am not well. I need to nip this thing in the bud and get on with things. A month off now may supercede several months off later.
I'm feelilng beter about things, but still stressed about asking for what I need. It is such short notice as well. I have a week away planned for the last week of this month into June and the doc said to start then and extend the time to a month. This is only two Sundays away!! I like to plan a little more ahead than this, but I guess you don't plan illnesses. . . I'm pondering and mulling and just overall whining I guess.
Dari
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